Mindfulness Makes a Response Possible.
By Pablo Das (HHC, SEP
Mindfulness is an objective awareness of what’s happening within us and around us in the present moment.
“Objective” means there’s some space between awareness and experience. You’re able to step back with perspective. You know what’s happening. You aren’t captured by what’s going on.
To be mindful of anger, as an example, is not to BE angry. It’s to be aware that anger is present. You can investigate it, see what it’s made of, reflect on what brought it into being and notice your impulses in relationship to it.
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Mindfulness is different from ordinary consciousness. In ordinary consciousness, we are mostly driven by thoughts, feelings and stories. We are impulsive. We are captured by emotions. We are less reflective. We follow the prompts of liking and disliking things without thinking our actions through. We more willingly cause harm and self generate suffering.
My favorite thing about mindfulness practice is that moving from ordinary consciousness to objective awareness makes it possible to choose a response to whatever is going on. I’m Buddhism we make a distinction between responses and reactions. When we’re responsive we’re more free.
You can feel anger and not yell. You can decide to walk away. You can notice your tone rising and regulate it back to normal. You can resist violent impulses. Built into mindfulness is choice.
What’s the choice? Whether it’s managing your diet, regulating emotions, navigating trauma content or resisting addiction behavior, with objective awareness you get a pause, you get space, you can reflect and you can choose a response.
In Buddhism, along with mindfulness and responsiveness, there is something else…ethical considerations. Is what you’re thinking, saying, likely yo cause harm or generate pain for you? Not only can you choose a response, but you can filter it through your ethical commitments. If you’re committed to not lying, then you can choose a truthful response. If you’re committed to not causing harm, then you can decide not to sleep with someone’s partner. If you’re committed to non-intoxication, you can resist drinking, smoking and the rest.
My thought is that a “mindful”response to whatever is going on should be one that supports wellbeing. How can you respond to life in a way that supports well-being for you and the people around you?
For people who are grappling with trauma and addiction I suggest also looking through the lens of empowerment, asking what would constitute an empowered response? So often my clients with a trauma history will unconsciously choose disempowering reactivity. Conflict avoidance is a good example. If you never confront anything, then you don’t assert anything. If you don’t assert your desires, needs and boundaries, then you are acting in disempowered ways. That needs to be healed. So I suggest looking for responses to things that honor your needs, desires and boundaries.
Mindfulness makes a response possible. Most people operate in ordinary consciousness. They are defensive, impulsive, bias driven and unconscious to the results of their actions. With mindfulness the possibility of restraint, reflection and choice are available whenever you remember to use it.